clingy. needy.
words i never thought i would use to describe myself. i am used to being free spirited and independent. it's a new concept to me...and i've thrown full force on the breaks. i need to rethink the way things are going in tbay. if i keep up at this rate, i'll be single and alone. it took a "friend" ignoring me for a week to realize that the people i depend on here maybe they aren't really my friends at all. that and that i've lost about 3 friends from back home since i decided to move here. out of sight, out of mind.
chris has friends and school and work and me to balance in his life. so when did my whole life become him and homework on the side? time to shift priorities. i come first, then homework, then him. sure having 25 text messages to your bf throughout the day is nice, but its too much.
people are always scolding me or cautioning me because i am a dreamer. what else i am suppose to do but dream and plan for the future. it's true you can get so caught up in the future that you forget about the present...but i don't really like the present. here, in tbay...away from mostly everyone i love and trying to do the hardest program of life. am i suppose to be depressed instead? being happy and looking ahead to brighter times seems preferable.
i am studying today...well sort of. it's hard to find the motivation. it will get done though. it's going to be a really busy next two weeks and then reading week. i plan to go snowboarding a couple times. if it's by myself, that's okay too, i've done it before. just bring some tunes.
sometimes i wonder if things would be better if i was still single. just doing the dating thing. perhaps i would have more motivation for studying or there would be more excitement in my life...going out places and having fun. at this point i've basically given up drinking. it's not going to help me lose weight so i cut it out. that and if i am going to drink, i want it to be because i want to, not because someone else wants me to. i'm 25, been drinking since like 14ish. special occassions seems more fitting than just doing it to forget about life for awhile.
i signed up to be a 'big sister' yesterday. hopefully they get back to me this week about any opportunities. maybe if i put down some roots and get out doing things, keeping busy with my own stuff, it'll make things better again. i'm playing with the idea of signing up for a gym...one with no contract of course. it's tough to do, since i'll be moving in 3 months but tbay is small enough that it prob wont make much of a difference.
well back to studying, well sort of.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
the wii fit is angry. it says i have put on 1.8lbs each time i have stepped back on the wii. not a big deal, whats 2 lbs...but it makes my icon fatter each time? its cruel :P
i went on super diet last year, so why am i having so much trouble with it this time around? perhaps its another year added on? who knows. i'm gonna keep at it, it has to come around for me eventually. even if it takes til april when i vow to start swimming again.
back at the homework. started an assignment today...and good thing, some of it didnt make sense and had to email a prof. so much for my first year courses being easy.
hoping to watch a couple movies this week...the golden compass for one, being connected to an animal? thats just sweet. i also want to see underworld 3...i'm into the vampire-werewolves thing, especially the twilight series.
i haven't wrote about my new man, but its been about 6 months now and he's wonderful. his name is chris and he's from tbay. who would have thought i could find more happiness here than i ever could romantically at home. not to say i'm not homesick, because some days i sure am.
i went on super diet last year, so why am i having so much trouble with it this time around? perhaps its another year added on? who knows. i'm gonna keep at it, it has to come around for me eventually. even if it takes til april when i vow to start swimming again.
back at the homework. started an assignment today...and good thing, some of it didnt make sense and had to email a prof. so much for my first year courses being easy.
hoping to watch a couple movies this week...the golden compass for one, being connected to an animal? thats just sweet. i also want to see underworld 3...i'm into the vampire-werewolves thing, especially the twilight series.
i haven't wrote about my new man, but its been about 6 months now and he's wonderful. his name is chris and he's from tbay. who would have thought i could find more happiness here than i ever could romantically at home. not to say i'm not homesick, because some days i sure am.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
1)Are you really ready for 111 questions?
yes
2) Was your last relationship a mistake?
yes
4) Who did you last say "I love you" to?
chris
5) Do you regret it?
no
6) Have you ever been depressed?
now and again
8) Are you a boy or girl?
girl
9) What is your relationship status?
taken
10) How do you want to die?
don't really
11) What did you last eat?
peanut butter sandwich
12) Played any sports?
wii-fit
13) Do you bite your nails ?
no
14) When was your last physical fight?
along time ago
15) Do you have an attitude?
yes
16) Do you like someone?
yes
17) What is your real name?
carolynne
19) Are you gonna get high later ?
no
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
hate is a strong word
21) Do you miss someone?
yes
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
twirl
23) Do you tan a lot?
no
24) Have any pets?
4 cats
25) How exactly are you feeling?
moody
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
yes
27) Ever made out in the bathroom?
no
28) Would you take any of your exes back?
no way
29) Are you scared of spiders?
yes
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
yes
31) Do you regret anything from your past?
yes
32) What are your plans for this weekend?
snow tubing
33) Do you want to have kids?
yes
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an A?
no
35) Do you type fast?
yes
36) Do you have piercings? How many?
7
37) Want any more?
no i'm good
38) Can you spell well?
yes
39) Do you miss anyone from your past?
yes
40) What are you craving right now?
home
41) Ever been to a bonfire party ?
yes
43) Have you ever been on a horse?
no
44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
yes
45) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
yes
47)Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
yes
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?
yes
50) What should you be doing?
going to sleep for early class
51) What's irritating you right now?
stupid roommates
52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
yes
53) Does somebody love you?
yes
54) What is your favorite color ?
pink, grey, blue
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yes
57) Do you have trust issues?
not so much
59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
no
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yes
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
no
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
chris
64) Do you give out second chances too easily?
yes
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive
66) Is this year the best year of your life?
it could be
67) What was your child hood nickname?
miss lynne, pumpkin pie
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
yes
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
it better
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night ?
checked to make sure my alarm clock was set
73) What is bothering you?
living situation for next year
74) Have you ever been out of state?
yes
75) Do you play the Wii?
love it
76) Are you listening to music right now?
no
77) Do you like Chinese food?
so delicious
78) Do you know your fathers b- day?
nov 20
79) Are you afraid of the dark?
no
80) Is cheating ever okay?
no
81) Are you mean?
at times
82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
no
83) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal?
no
84) Do you believe in true love?
yes
85) Are you proud of the person you've become?
yes
88) Do you like the outside?
yes
89) Are you currently bored?
yes
90) Do you wanna get married?
yes
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
yes
92) Are you hungry?
sometimes
93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?
yes
94) What makes you happy?
my baby, my family, my friends, my cats
95) Would you change your name?
never
96) Ever been to Alaska?
no
98) Do you watch the news?
no
99) What' s your zodiac sign?
cancer
100) Do you like Subway?
yes
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
no
102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
don't go there
103) Do you talk like your friends?
yes and its wonderful
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
duh
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self?
yes
107) Who is the last guy you talked to?
my male roomie
108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
yes, its gross
109) Have you ever cheated on someone?
sure
111)Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my male roomie
yes
2) Was your last relationship a mistake?
yes
4) Who did you last say "I love you" to?
chris
5) Do you regret it?
no
6) Have you ever been depressed?
now and again
8) Are you a boy or girl?
girl
9) What is your relationship status?
taken
10) How do you want to die?
don't really
11) What did you last eat?
peanut butter sandwich
12) Played any sports?
wii-fit
13) Do you bite your nails ?
no
14) When was your last physical fight?
along time ago
15) Do you have an attitude?
yes
16) Do you like someone?
yes
17) What is your real name?
carolynne
19) Are you gonna get high later ?
no
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
hate is a strong word
21) Do you miss someone?
yes
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
twirl
23) Do you tan a lot?
no
24) Have any pets?
4 cats
25) How exactly are you feeling?
moody
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
yes
27) Ever made out in the bathroom?
no
28) Would you take any of your exes back?
no way
29) Are you scared of spiders?
yes
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
yes
31) Do you regret anything from your past?
yes
32) What are your plans for this weekend?
snow tubing
33) Do you want to have kids?
yes
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an A?
no
35) Do you type fast?
yes
36) Do you have piercings? How many?
7
37) Want any more?
no i'm good
38) Can you spell well?
yes
39) Do you miss anyone from your past?
yes
40) What are you craving right now?
home
41) Ever been to a bonfire party ?
yes
43) Have you ever been on a horse?
no
44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
yes
45) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
yes
47)Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
yes
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?
yes
50) What should you be doing?
going to sleep for early class
51) What's irritating you right now?
stupid roommates
52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
yes
53) Does somebody love you?
yes
54) What is your favorite color ?
pink, grey, blue
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yes
57) Do you have trust issues?
not so much
59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
no
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yes
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
no
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
chris
64) Do you give out second chances too easily?
yes
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive
66) Is this year the best year of your life?
it could be
67) What was your child hood nickname?
miss lynne, pumpkin pie
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
yes
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
it better
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night ?
checked to make sure my alarm clock was set
73) What is bothering you?
living situation for next year
74) Have you ever been out of state?
yes
75) Do you play the Wii?
love it
76) Are you listening to music right now?
no
77) Do you like Chinese food?
so delicious
78) Do you know your fathers b- day?
nov 20
79) Are you afraid of the dark?
no
80) Is cheating ever okay?
no
81) Are you mean?
at times
82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
no
83) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal?
no
84) Do you believe in true love?
yes
85) Are you proud of the person you've become?
yes
88) Do you like the outside?
yes
89) Are you currently bored?
yes
90) Do you wanna get married?
yes
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
yes
92) Are you hungry?
sometimes
93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?
yes
94) What makes you happy?
my baby, my family, my friends, my cats
95) Would you change your name?
never
96) Ever been to Alaska?
no
98) Do you watch the news?
no
99) What' s your zodiac sign?
cancer
100) Do you like Subway?
yes
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
no
102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
don't go there
103) Do you talk like your friends?
yes and its wonderful
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
duh
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self?
yes
107) Who is the last guy you talked to?
my male roomie
108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
yes, its gross
109) Have you ever cheated on someone?
sure
111)Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my male roomie
Sunday, April 27, 2008
so i'm at work. another 9 hours to go before i can go home. in short, everything that could have gone wrong this week...did. 4 days off is going to be sweet. i keep hearing rumours that it's going to snow late monday or tuesday. let's hope that doesn't happen. i'd much rather be laying in the lawn chair and reading/typing on the laptop wearing shorts and a tank. mmm.
whats up this week? well tomorrow i am going out for dins with the family to celeb annettes and moms bdays with my gparents. mandarin! i also had mandarin this week for sahel's last day at work. it's so delicious. so much for being on a diet. maybe i'll have to start trying some of that...what's it called...exercise? i should get used to that anyways. work won't be keeping me fit in the summertime.
hopefully see a couple other friends over the next couple days too. mmmm i am craving rock band.
i'm so pumped for tbay. i have no idea why...i was so negative about it before. i guess i am just finally ready for that stage of my life. hopefully be able to find someone wonderful when i am there too! mmm pretty boys ;)
well i'm gonna go take a break from my break. mb play some cards with the boys upstairs.
whats up this week? well tomorrow i am going out for dins with the family to celeb annettes and moms bdays with my gparents. mandarin! i also had mandarin this week for sahel's last day at work. it's so delicious. so much for being on a diet. maybe i'll have to start trying some of that...what's it called...exercise? i should get used to that anyways. work won't be keeping me fit in the summertime.
hopefully see a couple other friends over the next couple days too. mmmm i am craving rock band.
i'm so pumped for tbay. i have no idea why...i was so negative about it before. i guess i am just finally ready for that stage of my life. hopefully be able to find someone wonderful when i am there too! mmm pretty boys ;)
well i'm gonna go take a break from my break. mb play some cards with the boys upstairs.
Monday, April 21, 2008
i can never seem to remember my passwords. maybe it is because there are so many of them. i think i spent about 10 mins trying to log in just now. don't write on here near enough i guess.
things are great. i've been spending a lot of time with friends lately. try to fit in a new couple people every 4 days off. i've been seeing h & d a lot more lately which is awesome. i love the way their house is looking. it's gone from empty unpainted walls to something that looks much more like a home. can't wait to see the furniture tomorrow. it's like everytime i go, they have something new and exciting. i still think the rock band group we had is the best.
the weather outside is beautiful. i spent most of today on a lawn chair in the backyard and got a bit of sun. it was nice just typing to friends on my new old laptop (dad bought it used from ebay). i am trying to get outside on my days off so it makes the gloomy ones i have to spend working not so bad. yay for no more work soon. boo for no more money.
can't wait to enjoy summer. even if it is in another city. i'm trying to stay positive, which hasn't been so hard as of late. i am hoping to meet new friends and have a good time when i am in tbay. i have been talking to some guys online and have a room lined up for the summer. off to a good start.
dave leaves on may 6. mixed feelings about the whole thing. trying not to think too much about it. i have to believe that if it was meant to be, we will hang out in august. if not, well i hope i will be able to find someone new who is super duper and treats me right.
things are great. i've been spending a lot of time with friends lately. try to fit in a new couple people every 4 days off. i've been seeing h & d a lot more lately which is awesome. i love the way their house is looking. it's gone from empty unpainted walls to something that looks much more like a home. can't wait to see the furniture tomorrow. it's like everytime i go, they have something new and exciting. i still think the rock band group we had is the best.
the weather outside is beautiful. i spent most of today on a lawn chair in the backyard and got a bit of sun. it was nice just typing to friends on my new old laptop (dad bought it used from ebay). i am trying to get outside on my days off so it makes the gloomy ones i have to spend working not so bad. yay for no more work soon. boo for no more money.
can't wait to enjoy summer. even if it is in another city. i'm trying to stay positive, which hasn't been so hard as of late. i am hoping to meet new friends and have a good time when i am in tbay. i have been talking to some guys online and have a room lined up for the summer. off to a good start.
dave leaves on may 6. mixed feelings about the whole thing. trying not to think too much about it. i have to believe that if it was meant to be, we will hang out in august. if not, well i hope i will be able to find someone new who is super duper and treats me right.
Friday, April 04, 2008
just waiting around to get an address so i can head out. going to st.catharine's and ottawa this weekend until sunday morning. ending everything off with a much needed massage on monday.
yesterday wasn't good. this whole year hasn't been great. so many high's and low's. also if you haven't figured it out by now...the only time i write in the blog is usually for the bad times. had a meltdown at work last night. bunch of things just set me off since my personal issues have been building up too...once i started getting upset there was no calming down. way to make a fool out of myself. no one likes a crybaby, least of all me. i asked to go home. apparently i come off as being better than the people i work with and a perfectionist that takes things personally when i can't do them myself. guess it's better than being the person who is on par with everyone else but can't do anything right. should have just called in sick and gone painting with hols instead.
little worried about the fall out from yesterday. work is a rumour mill. gonna be known as the girl who freaked out for no reason. so much for keeping it all together. breathe, just breathe. least the tears have stopped for now. pull it together cEa.
yesterday wasn't good. this whole year hasn't been great. so many high's and low's. also if you haven't figured it out by now...the only time i write in the blog is usually for the bad times. had a meltdown at work last night. bunch of things just set me off since my personal issues have been building up too...once i started getting upset there was no calming down. way to make a fool out of myself. no one likes a crybaby, least of all me. i asked to go home. apparently i come off as being better than the people i work with and a perfectionist that takes things personally when i can't do them myself. guess it's better than being the person who is on par with everyone else but can't do anything right. should have just called in sick and gone painting with hols instead.
little worried about the fall out from yesterday. work is a rumour mill. gonna be known as the girl who freaked out for no reason. so much for keeping it all together. breathe, just breathe. least the tears have stopped for now. pull it together cEa.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
i guess since everyone else is doing it...i'll write a post.
i'm moving in 4.5 months to tbay. i'm terrified.
having a "low" in my life. i guess with the high's come lows...but i'm not crazy about it. usually winter is my time, snowboarding and what not. i don't feel like going alone, other peeps are going, but not inviting me. f them. f winter. f driving to work in the snow as well.
my dave is leaving me. he was offered a job in vancover today and probably will take it. somewhere there or in victoria. given, i knew it was coming. even tho sometimes i don't even know where i stand with him/us, it's nice to have someone who cares. it's just hard when everyone else is "starting their lives" and i have to wait another bit before i can. patience was never one of my strong points.
starting 4 days of work soon. yipee. just feels a bit pointless cus anything i earn now i'll have blown through by this dec and will be accumulating debt. ew.
i wish i could spend more time with friends. rather that they had more time for me.
positive? hmm. annette and i are friends again. i've missed her.
i'm moving in 4.5 months to tbay. i'm terrified.
having a "low" in my life. i guess with the high's come lows...but i'm not crazy about it. usually winter is my time, snowboarding and what not. i don't feel like going alone, other peeps are going, but not inviting me. f them. f winter. f driving to work in the snow as well.
my dave is leaving me. he was offered a job in vancover today and probably will take it. somewhere there or in victoria. given, i knew it was coming. even tho sometimes i don't even know where i stand with him/us, it's nice to have someone who cares. it's just hard when everyone else is "starting their lives" and i have to wait another bit before i can. patience was never one of my strong points.
starting 4 days of work soon. yipee. just feels a bit pointless cus anything i earn now i'll have blown through by this dec and will be accumulating debt. ew.
i wish i could spend more time with friends. rather that they had more time for me.
positive? hmm. annette and i are friends again. i've missed her.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
unmotivated. slightly depressed. things are slowly getting back in gear but it's difficult. i never want to do another lab write up. i don't want to study for midterms. i don't want to wake up at 5am to finish my homework and call universities at 830am. i will though. i am the only one who is going to get the marks for me. i am the only one who will figure out what's going on with my future. i can't let it pass me by.
i miss my daddy.
i turned down a job today. would have been 11.50 an hour for 8 hours a week. i sure could use the money. oh well. wasn't getting a good vibe from the place.
i feel gross. sleeps time.
i miss my daddy.
i turned down a job today. would have been 11.50 an hour for 8 hours a week. i sure could use the money. oh well. wasn't getting a good vibe from the place.
i feel gross. sleeps time.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
it's been awhile. like a lot of things, i mean to post more but i don't. it's not that i'm really busy, just lazy of late.
i think i'm finally over the whole scott thing. hanging out with dave helped. things lately with dave just don't seem to be what they were in the summer. it's because i'm not in brantford everyday and his house isn't 5 mins away anymore. he also wants to leave brantford and ontario asap to get back out west. couldn't be any clearer than that.
so i don't like anyone. no interests at all. it's rather boring and kinda scary. especially when you see all these people getting engaged, hitched, moving in together, having kids. i'm still a work in progress with my career. i'll get there. another 2 months and i'll be done at slowhawk. then onto a job and hopefully back into uni. it's kinda nice because i don't feel obligated to go to a certain place to study because of a significant other. i'll go to lakehead in the cold.
i finished my first crossword in the newspaper tonight. felt good. i started last thurs and fri on a couple. seems i am pretty good at them. i guess it's a bit dorky but i like things that can exercise my mind. big fan of books too as long as they are about dragons + wizards and some some boring chemistry book.
bought an ipod online on my first ebay auction this week. got a pretty good deal. can't wait for it to arrive. won't have to listen to crappy radio stations anymore. i'm still on a budget until i get a job...hopefully i'll make it 'til december. i just need a sugar daddy.
trying to exercise, eat healthy and have a night routine for stretching, teeth & face cleaning. i just got over my third cold this month. provided i don't get ill again, i should be good to go.
i haven't been hanging out with anyone really lately. it sucks. everyone has their own stuff. i know i say it all the time. i'm not the kinda person who will beg others to hang out tho. i get discouraged when people cancel and then i don't get to do what i want. i've developed a new motto to that tho, i'll go regardless if the person cancels or not. i'll be that creepy person that goes to the movies alone, goes for a hike alone or whatever it is. there's no reason i shouldn't enjoy my life and have some experiences just because i can't find someone to hang out with me. i'll probably meet some new people that way too.
sing like you think no one's listening...
i think i'm finally over the whole scott thing. hanging out with dave helped. things lately with dave just don't seem to be what they were in the summer. it's because i'm not in brantford everyday and his house isn't 5 mins away anymore. he also wants to leave brantford and ontario asap to get back out west. couldn't be any clearer than that.
so i don't like anyone. no interests at all. it's rather boring and kinda scary. especially when you see all these people getting engaged, hitched, moving in together, having kids. i'm still a work in progress with my career. i'll get there. another 2 months and i'll be done at slowhawk. then onto a job and hopefully back into uni. it's kinda nice because i don't feel obligated to go to a certain place to study because of a significant other. i'll go to lakehead in the cold.
i finished my first crossword in the newspaper tonight. felt good. i started last thurs and fri on a couple. seems i am pretty good at them. i guess it's a bit dorky but i like things that can exercise my mind. big fan of books too as long as they are about dragons + wizards and some some boring chemistry book.
bought an ipod online on my first ebay auction this week. got a pretty good deal. can't wait for it to arrive. won't have to listen to crappy radio stations anymore. i'm still on a budget until i get a job...hopefully i'll make it 'til december. i just need a sugar daddy.
trying to exercise, eat healthy and have a night routine for stretching, teeth & face cleaning. i just got over my third cold this month. provided i don't get ill again, i should be good to go.
i haven't been hanging out with anyone really lately. it sucks. everyone has their own stuff. i know i say it all the time. i'm not the kinda person who will beg others to hang out tho. i get discouraged when people cancel and then i don't get to do what i want. i've developed a new motto to that tho, i'll go regardless if the person cancels or not. i'll be that creepy person that goes to the movies alone, goes for a hike alone or whatever it is. there's no reason i shouldn't enjoy my life and have some experiences just because i can't find someone to hang out with me. i'll probably meet some new people that way too.
sing like you think no one's listening...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
ah the single life. i guess it's hard to remember how things were 3 years ago. i vaguely recall being dissastified all the time with relationships. i remember crying when things didn't go my way. doesn't seem so different from how i feel now. did i make a mistake? i still don't think so.
i feel detached from everything and everyone. i feel that the couples don't want a third wheel around...can't blame them. when i was in a relationship, i guess we made our own plans and didn't worry about anyone else. so this is how it feels. i've had many a day off this summer. some have been busy, but lately not so much. august was suppose to be super packed with stuff since xine and emi were finishing work. instead i'm just sitting at home, in front of the computer screen or in bed and doing absolutely nothing.
the stuff i need to do around the house to finish the 3 outstanding rooms can't be done until other jobs my family has to do are done. i can't touch the gardens b/c mother is stupid. i don't have a tv to put on all day and brainwash myself with. i don't need to suntan anymore or i'll be a poster adult for cancer.
why can't i stop feeling sorry for myself. i think i need a new bf, but good luck on that one. anyone i am interested in is the anti of relationships or won't commit. guess that's nothing new. perhaps i just need more single friends or just friends that want to go out and do stuff. i can't keep sitting alone at home. i'm hoping things get better in sept when i head back to school. perhaps i need a hobby. maybe i should do some volunteering starting sept. no idea what i'm going to do if i have to go to thunderbay for 2 years. sit in a room and stare at the walls & count down the days until i can come home to do the same thing? ugh.
what a crappy night. i have 4 days off this weekend and no plans. yay for me, more spare time.
i feel detached from everything and everyone. i feel that the couples don't want a third wheel around...can't blame them. when i was in a relationship, i guess we made our own plans and didn't worry about anyone else. so this is how it feels. i've had many a day off this summer. some have been busy, but lately not so much. august was suppose to be super packed with stuff since xine and emi were finishing work. instead i'm just sitting at home, in front of the computer screen or in bed and doing absolutely nothing.
the stuff i need to do around the house to finish the 3 outstanding rooms can't be done until other jobs my family has to do are done. i can't touch the gardens b/c mother is stupid. i don't have a tv to put on all day and brainwash myself with. i don't need to suntan anymore or i'll be a poster adult for cancer.
why can't i stop feeling sorry for myself. i think i need a new bf, but good luck on that one. anyone i am interested in is the anti of relationships or won't commit. guess that's nothing new. perhaps i just need more single friends or just friends that want to go out and do stuff. i can't keep sitting alone at home. i'm hoping things get better in sept when i head back to school. perhaps i need a hobby. maybe i should do some volunteering starting sept. no idea what i'm going to do if i have to go to thunderbay for 2 years. sit in a room and stare at the walls & count down the days until i can come home to do the same thing? ugh.
what a crappy night. i have 4 days off this weekend and no plans. yay for me, more spare time.
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